force fed

Force Fed is a visual exploration of my emotional and psychological misery rooted in body dysmorphia and harassment. This piece is inspired by a recurring nightmare I’ve had for 2 years - one where I am forced to eat foods I fear will make me gain weight. Despite not being hungry, I cannot stop eating, and I am overwhelmed with shame and helplessness as I continue against my will. I cry, yet I am unable to break free from this cycle of consumption.

Harassed for being overweight and not conventionally attractive, I spent years hyper fixating on every inch of my body and how others perceived me. Every glance in the mirror was a constant reminder of what was said about me, and everything that was wrong with me. Hurtful words echoed through my mind all day and until I fell asleep, eventually resulting in this recurring nightmare. The floating face, and disembodied hands forcibly feeding it, reflects the loss of control I often feel, both in my dreams and when awake.

The hands are a part of me, though they feel alien. They act independently as though they belong to someone else. The separation between mind and body is a central theme in my own experience with body dysmorphia: my body does not feel like my own, and my perception of it is distorted. The fragmented body parts floating in the water further emphasize this sense of disconnection. They symbolize how my sense of self feels fractured. The landscape of this piece reflects the isolation and confusion I feel drowned in when faced with my own reflection.

The materials chosen for this piece play a role in the story that is being conveyed. The charcoal creates a raw, unsettling effect, emphasizing vulnerability with its smudges and imperfections reflecting the distortions of my self-perception. Ink was used for the hair to create fluid, dynamic movement, contrasting with the harshness of the hands and face.

Traditional surrealism heavily influenced this work as the art movement sought to explore the unconscious mind and dream imagery, often depicting distorted realities where the boundaries between the conscious and the unconscious were blurred. Force Fed aligns with these traditions by visually capturing the disorienting and paradoxical nature of my nightmare where I am both present and absent, in control and powerless.

Force Fed ultimately reflects the emotional pain that comes with body dysmorphia and the overwhelming feeling of being drowned in my own distorted perceptions.